For Parents / Carers

Many parents and family members who search the BulliesOut website are worried about a young person who is being bullied or who has been accused of bullying others. We have provided this information to help them.

To download a copy of our Information Brochure for Parents/Carers click here.

For a copy of our Information Brochure for Parents, please send a large SAE to the address below.

BulliesOut, Unit 16, Sbectrwm, Bwlch Road, Fairwater, Cardiff CF5 3EF

Is my child being bullied?

Talking to your child

At School:Talking to the school

Changing schools

Outside School

On the school bus

At youth/sports/music clubs or groups

In the street / park

Cyberbullying

Is my child a bully?

Is my child being bullied?

This is a question many parents ask and because of the stigma attached to bullying (that it is a sign of weakness), a child will not always admit they are being bullied. Signs to look out for are:

• Excuses to miss school – headaches, stomach complaints etc
• Missing school altogether
• School work not up to usual standard
• Coming home with items missing and /or damaged
• Showing signs of being in a fight
• Going to bed earlier than usual
• Not able to sleep
• Moody, aggressive or both
• Lack of confidence
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Loneliness
• Bed wetting (mainly younger children)
• A change in eating habits.

As there could be other reasons for these symptoms, try to avoid jumping to conclusions. Could there be anything else bothering your child – such as, changes in your family?

Talking to your child

Talk and listen to your child. It is possible they will feel out of control and ashamed. Let them know that you love them and want to help.

Be clear that the bullying has to stop and that it will be necessary for their school to become involved.

Talk to the school as soon as possible.

If the situation does not get better, make an appointment to see the head teacher and ask to see the school’s anti-bullying policy.

Encourage your child to keep a journal in which they can write about the bullying and record when and where it happened. Click here to download a copy of our bullying diary.

Remember that coping with something like bullying is very stressful. Try and take time for yourself and talk things over with a friend or member of your family.

Encourage your child to talk about bullying. Let them know that no one deserves to be bullied. Many children think that bullying is just about physical abuse. Make them aware of all of the forms of bullying – threats, verbal abuse, racism, sexist name calling, being left out and/or ignored and harassment.

If the bullying occurs on the journey to and from school, try and arrange for your child to go to school with older, supportive children or arrange to take them yourself.

If your child is shy and doesn’t seem to have many friends, try to arrange for them to participate in positive social groups that meet his or her interests. Developing their skills and confidence can be very helpful.

Talking to the school

School plays a big part in children’s lives and all pupils have the right to receive their education in a safe, supportive and caring environment that is free from oppression and abuse. Bullying is anti-social behaviour and will not be tolerated. It is compulsory for all schools to have an anti-bullying policy and the aim of the policy is to outline procedures to prevent bullying among pupils and for these procedures to be brought to the attention of all staff, parents and pupils.

If you suspect that your child is suffering from any kind of bullying at school, it is important that you make contact with the school as soon as possible. Most schools are generally happy to investigate any claims of bullying that take place within the school grounds. Many schools do not realise that bullying occurs, but once they are notified of any incident, they will do whatever they can to ensure that it stops immediately.

Work with the school to ensure that your child is safe. Make sure that effective consequences are applied toward the bully and that monitoring at the school is sufficient.

• Talk to your child about what is happening and plan what you want to say to the school.
• If you are nervous about attending the school, ask a friend/family member to go with you.
• Make appointments to see the right people – starting with your child’s teacher. If you are not happy with the way they are dealing with the situation, move on to the head of year, the deputy head, the head teacher and finally the school governors.
• Avoid doing anything irrational. Losing your temper will not achieve anything and will certainly not help your child.
• Focus on feelings rather than trying to prove who did what. A child that is upset has to be put first and taken seriously.
• Ask that everyone involved join together in order to solve the problem.
• Ask what action will be taken and write down all that is said.
• Results may not be instant. Take one step at a time and arrange to meet a few days later for a progress report.
• Talk to your child every day about what is happening.
• Find out if the school has ‘bullying counsellors’ – other children of your child’s age that they can talk to.

No parent wants their child to suffer and in today’s society, as every school is legally bound to have an anti-bullying policy, no child should have to suffer from bullying at school

If your child continues to be bullied and you are unhappy with the way the school is dealing with it and feel that the school is failing in its duty of care towards your child, you may want to take things further. Ensure that you follow the school’s complaints procedure and keep copies of all correspondence.

• Ask for a copy of the school’s Anti Bullying Policy and check that the school’s anti-bullying procedures are being followed.
• Speak to the head teacher and discuss what can be done. If the bullying is extremely serious, you may need to involve the police.
• Write a letter of complaint to the school – possibly with legal help. Send a copy of the letter to the school governors.
• Contact the director of education at your local authority.

If all else fails, write to the secretary of State for Education and Skills (England), The Education Minister for Lifelong Learning, Welsh Assembly Government (Wales). However, this is only as a last resort as this department will not respond to or investigate your complaint until you have exhausted all other ways.

Template of a complaint letter to the Head Teacher letter1

Template of a complaint letter to your LEA (letter2)

Changing Schools

Changing schools is very stressful and no child should have to change schools because of a bullying problem. Your child will have to leave their friends behind and make new ones and they may find it hard to settle.

Sending your child to a different school will not necessarily resolve the problem. Bullying happens in all schools and if your child is still vulnerable, this could be spotted at the new school and the problem could start again. The bully may have friends and/or family at the new school.

If you do make the decision to send your child to a different school, where possible, try to make the transition at the beginning of a school year, or at least at the beginning of a new term. Does the new school follow the same lesson and exam format as the original school? Starting a new school mid term may have a negative effect on your child’s education.

You should also consider the distance to the new school. If it is further from your home than the original school, would your child be able to get there and back safely? This may mean additional travelling expenses.

When you do find a school that is suitable for your child, ask them about their Anti – Bullying policy and ask them what procedures they follow if a child is being bullied. Your child’s current school should be doing something about the bullying, but if you are in a position where you choose to change your child’s school, you need to be confident that any further problems will be dealt with in the new school.

Bullying outside school

Bullying doesnt just happen in than schools. In fact, bullying is a problem that happens in lots of different settings, including within the home. If your child is being bullied at school, the bully may live near you and this could cause the bullying to continue outside of the school gates. It is important to remember that bullying doesn’t have to happen face to face, but can happen through other mediums as well. If you are concerned about bullying for your child, it is important to ensure that they understand that bullying does not just have to happen at school, and if it does happen to them, regardless of where they are, they should always remember to tell someone about it.

On the school bus

For bullies, the school bus is an ideal location to pick on someone. There is either no supervision or it is minimal. The hectic rush of activity before boarding the bus makes it harder for some bullying tactics to be spotted and when on the bus, the only adult may be the driver – who has to concentrate on operating the vehicle safely.

Many children fear they will be bullied on the school bus – especially if they are bullied at school. Journeys are unsupervised and bullies thrive on this. The person they are picking on has no escape. If they get off the bus, there may not be another one for some time and this could make them late for school or returning home.

If your child is being bullied on the bus, encourage them to sit on the left hand side of the bus (that way the driver can see them) near the driver, or if the bus is a public bus, maybe they could sit near an adult. If possible, maybe they could pair up with a friend who is on the same bus.

Make a complaint to the school and copy the letter to the bus company.

At youth/sports/music clubs or groups

Many young people may see their youth club as a refuge to the bullying they may be experiencing elsewhere. If your child expresses an interest to join a group ensure the organisation has an anti-bullying policy, outlining what support is available to young people who wish to report a bullying incident.

All organisations and adults (paid or unpaid) who work with children owe them a duty of care, and must take all reasonable steps to ensure their safety.

If your child tells you they have been bullied whilst at the group, contact the Youth Worker/Organiser immediately. Ask your child to explain what has been happening and who is involved, using as much information as possible. It may help if they write things down. A copy of our bullying diary can be downloaded here.

If you feel the Youth Worker/Organiser is not supporting you, contact the Youth Service Manager. Contact details can be found here.

Other things you can do:

• When making a complaint, put it in writing and keep a copy
• Monitor and share the results – don’t hide the problem
• Keep good communication open with other parents, families and carers, so that any bullying reported can be dealt with in partnership with them.
• Display posters/flyers that identify bullying, and offer information on where to go for support

In the street / park

Although schools are not legally responsible for bullying that takes place outside of the school, under the Education and Inspection Act 2006 a school’s behaviour policy can include, as far as is reasonable, measures to regulate behaviour outside school premises when pupils are not in the charge or control of members of staff. If the bully is wearing a school uniform you can make the relevant school aware of what happened and where it took place.

Contact your local Police station. The Police, including, where appropriate the British Transport Police, are the lead agency for tackling crime and anti-social behaviour in the streets and on transport. They work with local authority community teams to help tackle bullying on journeys and in the community.

Cyberbullying

via electronic means – mobile, email, social networking sites. Further information is available here.

Additional information can also be found on the DCSF website here.

Is my child a bully?

Take the problem seriously. Children and youths who bully others can often get into trouble in later years and this could lead to criminal convictions. Here are some things you can do to change the situation.

Talk to your child. Talk to his or her teachers. Try and find out what might be behind it. Maybe they are trying to ‘fit in’ with others. Maybe they are unaware of how they are hurting others. Remember, a bully will try to deny or minimise his or her wrongdoing.

Although you need to make it clear to your child that you will not tolerate this kind of behaviour, let them know that you still love them as a person – it is their behaviour you are trying to change. Discuss with them the impact bullying has on the other person.

Your child may be going through a difficult time either at home or at school. Talk to them and try to find out if anything is upsetting them.

Any punishment should be effective and non-violent. It should also be in proportion with the severity of your child’s actions, their age and stage of development. Take a firm yet gentle approach and be willing to listen to your child’s side of the story whilst insisting the bullying has to stop.

Increase your supervision of their actions and whereabouts. Set reasonable rules for their activities and curfews.

Work with the school to correct your child’s aggressive behaviour. Regular communication is vital in finding out how your child is doing.

Praise the efforts of any non-violent/responsible behaviour your child makes.

Violent TV programmes and/or violent games may increase violent and aggressive behaviour. Change your child’s viewing and play patterns to non – violent ones.

It is important to make sure that your child does not witness any violent/aggressive behaviour between members of his or her family.

If you would like extra support in working with your child, you can also seek help from a social worker, school psychologist or children’s mental health centre.

Back to top