Are you a bully?

Bullying hurts.

It’s NOT a laugh or a joke. Bullying is cruel and has a negative affect on all involved. Bullies don’t just appear from out of the blue. Research has shown that although bullies tend to have difficulty making friends, they do gain a certain level of popularity and peer status for their actions. They may see bullying as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge.

Some bullies do it to get attention or things, or to make other people afraid of them. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. They may even be being bullied themselves. Some bullies may not even understand how wrong their behaviour is and how it makes the sufferer feel.

Many bullies have had a bad experience themselves or they feel unhappy and/or insecure with their lives. Whilst this doesn’t condone what they do, understanding what might be behind their behaviour can sometimes help the situation.

Bullying is like an addiction. Bullies become ‘addicted’ to the power and control they have over others.

If you think bullying is ‘ok’ or a joke, then maybe the comments below will make you realise it isn’t. The comments are from young people who have completed our questionnaires. Their names have been changed to protect their identities.

I can’t take anymore. I just want it to stop’

Lucy, 14

‘He kept on and on and on. The punches weren’t so bad. It was the comments that hurt more’

Tom, 16

‘I don’t want to go to school anymore. They make my life hell. No-one listens. I want to end it all’

Ray, 14

So, Are you a bully? Have a look at the list below and answer the questions honestly.

Have you ever…

• Repeatedly called someone names?
• Physically hurt someone on purpose (hitting, kicking, punching etc)?
• Used your size to intimidate or threaten others?
• Made fun of people you perceive as ‘different’?
• Made fun of a person’s culture or religion?
• Laughed at someone because they have a disability?
• Said nasty things about another person’s weight, hair colour, skin colour or clothes?
• Made fun of a person’s sexuality?
• Taken someone else’s belongings?
• Damaged or destroyed someone else’s property?
• Spread rumours about someone?
• Said nasty things about someone behind their back?
• Purposely not invited someone to go out with you and your friends?
• Excluded someone from your group on purpose
• Made someone cry on purpose?
• Sent someone nasty or threatening emails or texts?
• Posted nasty comments about another person on a social networking site (Bebo, Facebook etc)?
• Laughed at someone who is being picked on?

If you have answered yes to any of the above questions, then you are guilty of being a bully. Think about why you do these things. Some of the reasons why you bully others may be written below:

• Are you jealous of the person you are bullying?
• Worried about something that may be happening in your own life?
• Being mistreated by someone in your life?
• Are you hanging around with other bullies and want to fit in?
• Do you like the feeling of ‘power’ bullying gives you?
• Do you think bullying someone makes you popular?
• Are you being bullied yourself and taking it out on someone else?

If you are a bully, regardless of the reason why, then you need to get some help.

Research has shown that by the age of 24, bullies are 60% more likely to have a criminal record than any other group (as quoted by Andy Tomko, You Big Bully, 2005). Surely this is not the sort of life you want for yourself?

Don’t become a statistic or newspaper headline for the wrong reason!

Admission is the first step. Admit to yourself that what you are doing to others is wrong. Talk to someone and ask for assistance. Parents? Teacher? Friend? School Mentor? E-mail us? Talking about what you are doing may help you understand why you are doing it and help you to stop. If you are willing to do this, you will deserve every support and encouragement.

If your bullying has become a habit, it may not be easy to just stop. Be patient and keep telling yourself you are doing the right thing and it will make a huge difference, for the better, to your life (and that of those you bully).

Below are some things that you may find helpful

• Talk to someone and tell them how you feel
• Apologise to the person you have been bullying
• Stop hanging around with other bullies
• Join a local youth club or sports team and make new friends
• Set yourself some goals, such as,
• ‘I will be a friendly person today’
• ‘I won’t be nasty to anyone today’
• ‘I won’t hurt anyone today’
• Talk to your friends and ask them to help you stop
• Find some positive ways to help you deal with your feelings and emotions – don’t take your hurt out on someone else
• Do some volunteering work

YOU CAN CHANGE

There is a better person inside everyone.